A means to an end

Since everything has an end, I'm leaving the great town Taurinos today. I need to be back in hometown, Santos. I'm already missing everyone I met here, no exceptions. Well, maybe the Mayor is an exception. What is really boring is when I have to charge the fees, but you won't live without them, so you summon up all of your courage to do it.

The boys are the last to come down for breakfast. Breakfast here is usually full of things on the table, there is little space left for cups and saucers. I usually can't get to sample everything that is on the table, variety is great at times, as a colonial breakfast in an old farm's house, where plenty is the order of the day. Today is one of those days on which I won't be able to sample even half of what is here. Corn cake, cheese bread to say the least; I would never give you the whole list, since the blog has to load without problems.

Andrés and Adriano greeted us all and sat down to eat. During the general chat I wait for a chance to speak about my departure back to Santos and my fees. It takes some time but I managed to speak about the conclusion of the case and my fees. Duílio says he's going to write a check as soon as we finish breakfast.

"My God, I already miss all of this, you, this farm, this city and its people", I commented, looking at the sun and listening to songbirds by the living room's windows.

I saw Andrés looking at his father and the other way round. Duílio asked me when I would be back. I told him that since he had my phone number and my e-mail all he had to do in case of need was to call or e-mail me anytime. I noticed Andrés developed a long face as I spoke, but had no idea why. Maybe missing me in advance as I am missing him.

"When I first met you I didn't like you…" the youngest started.

"Andrés, don't you abuse it!" Aparecida showed him some teeth.

"Aparecida, let him speak. I have always liked his sincerity."

"…but now I don't want you to leave anymore."

"Andrés! You owe explanations to Ms. Grisam. Don't give us this nonsense of not wanting her to go. It's just so much more than that." Duílio showed that traditional impatience with his sons and showed me I'll probably never get enough of Andrés' mysteries. I hate the direction this talk has taken.

"What is your father talking about, Andrés?"

At his corner of the table, Adriano never said a word. The parents, all of us stared at the endless jack-in-the-box Andrés was. Always a lurking secret, like a cat ready to come out of a bag. Andrés looked at me and for the very first time I saw a feeling he seemingly had never had: fear. Fear of me. Of my reaction. By the talk's context, I begin to understand his fear. I myself start going cold head to toes.

"So what's going on Andrés? What explanation is your father talking about? What you mean is that I am condemned to remain here in Taurinos for the rest of my life? That being a Taurino myself I'll have the same end as those bulls if I try to leave the city?"

Shaking slightly, he lowered his eyes, raised them again and met mine. And he was like, "with people it takes longer, it takes 49 days. In forty days we already feel the effects, but it is an eternity compared to the bulls…"

I let my head fall over the tabletop. As he himself had done at master Danilo's when we found out about his vocation for transmigration. I didn't want to raise my head from the tabletop again. Face the fact I had no more control over my own destiny. On my life. Andrés came from his place at the table and approached me. I only saw his sneakers approaching one after the other, closer and closer to me.

"Ms. Grisam…"

"Ms. Grisam, my ass! Have you any fucking idea what you did to my fucked-up life?" I refused to raise my head from the table.

"Now take it all as a man", Duílio's voice was as irritated as mine.

"Ms. Grisam… Look at me, please…"

"Only if it's to know where to hit you without smashing your glasses, little fucker. Back off or I promise I'll do it." I refused to raise my head from the table.

"Ms. Grisam…"

I lost my patience and hit the tabletop with my two fists. The resulting noise shook the whole of the family in the living room. Duílio rose from his chair, more and more infuriated.

"Andrés, it's enough. Now put your glasses on the table, please" the family man was taking off his belt. Andrés didn't argue. He put his glasses on the table and got ready. The breakfast was over. He got a five-minute beating before the eyes of every one of us. I didn't feel like intervening this time. Andrés looked at me under a rain of blows from his father's belt. His face contracted, tears rolled down for pain, but he made no sound. Yes, he was beaten for five minutes. Adriano looked at the scene, mute as a fish, but didn't look any sad, on the contrary. Aparecida stood up, appalled with it all, with three minutes still to go.

"Now on your knees, beg her to forgive you. On your fucking knees right now!"

I can see now where the boy takes these things from. A democratic regime, the cutting-edge approaches to child's psychology. I have to intervene.

"Stop it, Duílio. I don't want to see anyone on their knees."

"Now it's between him and me, Ms. Grisam. Come on, on your fucking knees!"

He forced Andrés' body down until his knees touched the floor. The boy looked at me and begged to be forgiven. His voice was still muffled by my hearing still a bit chaotic. Duílio came behind him and twisted his arm hard. I feel like hitting this man right now. Violence, violence, and more violence.

"I couldn't hear you, you spoke too softly."

Tension. Until I can't stand it any longer.

"Forgive me, Ms. Grisam…"

Duílio twisted his arm even harder.

"Say it louder because you made her deaf too, remember? Louder, you fucking little prick!"

"Forgive me Ms. Grisam!!! For heaven's sake, forgive me! I did this for the city! I did it all for the city!"

Duílio let go of his son. The beating had consumed more from him than from his son. Andrés has his face washed by his tears. I helped him stand up again.

"And go to your room and stay there until tomorrow. I don't want to see your face again today." The family man let himself fall heavily on the couch, exhausted.

Master Danilo was making his usual coffee when I arrived. What of me without his coffee and cheese bread? He heard the account of what had happened and was sad. He knew what would become of me if I left the city. Confirmed what the boy said about the number of days, 49 days altogether. Said strange things, like strange effects and skills arising out of the blue, would start happening by the fortieth day. Nine days more and it was death. Simple, sheer death would occur.

"It happened to everyone who moved to another town. The doctors said it was dehydration. We started to understand it all by the news that came to town and the gap between their moving and the news. Many people here died so we could learn what it was that was killing them, "sá" Stella."

I was silent, looking through the window at the Morning Star and Taurinos' mountains in the distance. How can such a beautiful town as Taurinos have such damnation within, so much we can't even see its beauty sometimes, only ominous curses everywhere you look at, as a heavy leaden armor choking it? I start to get ready to change my whole life. Santos is a distant port of call for me right now.

City in motion | In a time like this

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