The ruminant hour

End of the afternoon. The Sun is already on its way home; I am back on the farm from a good tour, now back at my favorite spot of the farm, the porch. The first thing I saw was Adriano, sitting at the porch, gazing at the landscape of mountains and cerrados around the farm Taurinos. He greeted me and I got it back to him. He waited for something else but I was in silence. I was there gazing at the same. I waited because for some unknown reason I didn't want to be the one who would break the silence. Most of the times, it is better to listen than to speak. People who speak too much always end up saying things they shouldn't. Or couldn't.

"It's already started", Adriano said to me, looking really worried.

"What's already started?"

"Last night a bull of the farm Pinho went mad, broke a part of the pen's fence and weren't he shot on the head he'd do much more."

Pinho. Bruno's surname, one of the five kids that were here yesterday. A sensation of alarm shook the whole of my body, a sensory shock of fright and apprehension.

"How's Bruno? No one got hurt, I hope…"

"He's fine, but he gets nervous about these things, you know. The bull even threw his father to the ground. Mr. Pinho fell to one side and the shotgun to another. Bruno picked up the shotgun, aimed at the bulls' eyes and pulled the top of his head out of him. Hadn't he done it at that moment his father would have been squashed to death by the bull. No bone in him would be left unbroken. Mr. Pinho had a gash on the forehead and barked his arm. Other than that, all's okay."

"You didn't comment anything at breakfast so I had no way of knowing."

"The Pinhos have just called to tell us what happened. You were out in the cerrado", he explained.

"Well, glad to see things were sorted out, but it is still worrisome, no? If cattle go mad like this out of the blue, I don't know, it does get complicated."

"It's just the beginning", he was staring at me, "to think there are still six days to the ceremony…"

A new pause. I think of what the news of the town mean. What Adriano means by that. That something is acting in town or as master Danilo said, manipulating events from the outside of town. The Big One starting its manifestations in an apocalyptic promise. As in José Jacinto Veiga's story, The Ruminant Hour, in which bulls and cows appear from nothing, play havoc in a small town and disappear in the thin air as though they had never existed. But here nothing seems to point at anything so spontaneous. Though it seems sheer fiction, it is not. Not even J.J. Veiga explains Taurinos and its insanity.

"What's next?"

"Nothing else to do but to set these bulls apart and wait for the ceremony's day. The attacks should stop when the ceremony is closed."

Now the ceremony comes back to the center of my attention. And they want to set apart the bulls affected by this immanent force for the total carnage night. Bulls being made into mincemeat for the sake of our lives. I shut my eyes for some time and try to picture the ceremony. What is going to happen there. The atmosphere of horror that is going to be found in every corner of the arena. I think I need to be there. I think if I really need to be there.

"Can I attend the ceremony?"

His silence lasted after forever. As the doctor who says you have a little problem and takes aions to tell you what the little problem with you is.

"I'll vote "nay" if I'm asked to vote", he simply said.

"Why?"

"Because it's no business for women."

"This should be business for no one. Should be no business for the young like yourself. So why should it be no business for women?"

"If anything like a woman were to attend the ceremony, we'd be able to sacrifice cows along with the bulls. But no, it's all male thing. This is how it's been since the beginning of times here. It would still take Jesus Christ twelve thousand years or so to be born and the ceremony was already like this."

There was a pause. I can't place blame on Adriano for being that true. For saying exactly what he thought of my request. He added that, in discord, the Society would form a Council and decide what to do.

"Whatever the Council decides is law for me. And I'm going to vote against it. To help you not go there that night. Because I think you are not prepared for what is going to happen at the arena."

"Because I'm a woman?"

"Why, yes. Women feel more things than men, right? They are not rude like men. They have more emotions, right? Later all those things are going to stay on your mind, things you won't be able to take off yourself. Is this what you want to take away from here? A sad memory, of too much cruelty against animals?"

"Is it cruelty against animals? Is this what it is all about?"

He rose to his feet in a blow and stared at me as a fighting cock.

"Hell, yes! What else is it all about? If I have to make the bull suffer like living hell what else is it all about after all? I will enter the arena at midnight with the Society and will do the best for my Sacred One. He is going to pray in his own tongue (that course I'll pull out later) that he had never seen the light of his first day. That he had never seen me in his lifetime. He is going to ask to be killed, he sure will."

"You like it, Adriano? Like to make animals suffer?"

"No", he sat back on his place after his body had discharged what seemed to be an electric current into the earth, "but at the ceremony this me that doesn't like to make animals suffer is going to die in the arena together with the Sacred One. It's going to be smashed to smithereens like the the animal I'll handle. Because this is how it has to be. This is how it has been for over fifteen thousand years. On the seventh this is how it is going to be. The Sacred One is going to suffer for everything the ones of his species did and will still do this week."

He coldly explained in technical detail that the suffering of the animal had to be extended as much as possible and kept within the scope of controlled atrocity (whatever that means) so the animal mightn't be killed quickly and causing him to suffer in a crescendo, sufferance that could only grow, never diminish in intensity. I asked him how to keep such cold and sophisticated technique going when you are clutching a 500-kilo moving object that has been cornered and is desperate by the sufferance imposed by the handler. He agreed with me, nodding.

"Yes, it's very difficult, but not impossible. We have to pay lots of attention to what we're doing. We have to concentrate and not lose sight of our goal. If this is granted, all else follows."

I commented with him how much that all reminded me of the Roman Mithraism for the issue of the sacrificial bull that represented the Moon. He nodded once again, but was looking at me with those strange eyes as the two brothers look at me whenever they are trying to digest my words and my intentions. In this case, it seems that the name of the religion was the cause of his strange look. He eventually asked me to repeat the religion's name, that seemed to strike him as familiar.

"Yes, the Mithraism, the sacrifice of bulls in the Mithraea, sanctuaries in honor of god Mithra, the god of the Sun. The description your brother has made of the silo you have altered is similar to a Mithraeum… Adriano… are you feeling okay?"

Why did I have to mention that? But how on earth was I supposed to know what he would make of my comment? He stood up again, an astonished expression as if he had been bludgeoned on the head with a billiards cue. Dizzy, he clutched to the fence on the porch while I held him lest he plunged down there. Soon he got over the dizziness and brusquely pulled his arm out of my reach.

"How come you know the name of the arena? Andrés would never mention that to an outsider. This is among us natives from Taurinos, no one else should know about it!"

Then the lad's face assumed an expression of anger. He went on to walk around in circles as a caged beast, staring at me, a fierce, accusatory look in his eyes. And started questioning in an aggressive tone, trying to intimidate me.

"Who told you? It was one of them kids, wasn't it? Tell me! Do fucking tell me!"

I didn't have time to react. A voice behind me cut the conversation short.

"What's going on, Adriano? Is this the way to treat our guests???"

Duílio comes trampling on the porch, coming our way. Adriano is silent; his eyes are frozen with fear, but now I understand it is not for fear of being reproached or getting a beating from his father. Now I can see there's so much more to it. He starts stuttering and repeating phrases that all in all mean he's never given away a secret as the name of the arena. I understood that at the very moment he had stood up in sheer panic. Duílio seemed to not understand it. Or he did, yet he played dead, turning a blind eye on the situation. Whatever the alternative, the blow was strong and unexpected. I expected him to speak loud. I even expected him to shout right into Adriano's ear. Only I didn't expect that blow. One can get used to the general notion that modern-day parents would never do it, but in the country they still do, depending on their degree of rejection to their children's attitudes. I sat down in dismay, without being able to intervene.

"I can't let you treat a guest like this in our own house!"

Aparecida and Andrés came on to the porch. Our case has been made public. Andrés leaned against the porch wall, slightly shaking his head from time to time. Aparecida hugged the nervous son and took him inside, but there would be more awaiting him in there. Still, mothers will be mothers. Always that slice of understanding and caring. Andrés came off the porch's wall and walked close to his infuriated father.

"It's better that you learn it from myself, Dad. I said some four-letter words to Ms. Grisam too, yesterday at the meeting."

I was going to speak about it and that little spoiled brat just blew me away with his anticipation of my movement. A logical analysis would certainly require me to do that, since it would be the only way to equalize things for the two brothers. Why was Adriano getting punished alone? His only crime was to have his father hearing the hot part of our conversation. Because the father, the greatest leader of the home, has to take active part in keeping the order of things going as it "normally" would. Duílio looked at me and at his son.

"We'll have to go inside and have some serious talk. Ms. Grisam, do wait a little bit here, please do."

From Adriano's bedroom there came the opaque sound of a belt opening deep gaps at the very dawn of the twenty-first century. The characteristic sound of altered voices at the moment, "I haven't brought up my sons to treat guests here like this". And two got a good, clean thrashing together, simultaneously.

In most of the cases, I never care how my clients treat me. More than just not caring it is a matter of observing a deeper self where they don't have to be artificially polite with me, to see how deep their common decency has been scratched. Of course there are limits for procedures that can cause grievous bodily harms. Still I think you can push the barriers at least to that point and get a glimpse of what is behind that veil.

"I don't want to hear a human voice around this coffee table", stated the family man. And no voice was heard but the birds on the trees and distant flies or occasional bees. The bees and the birds.

Everybody here is tense. No wonder. Tension is easily felt in the air, it is an immanent and living energy inside the house. The perspective of the ceremony coming closer, a ritual upon which the future of the whole city depended. How many in town would really like to walk in the handlers' shoes? How many in town would really be able to take on such a burden? The farm Taurinos seems to have been in the lead of the events in the tiny city. And the situation seems to have come a long way like this. They are the town. In a place where everybody is next of kin or friends it gets to be a burden as heavy as the whole town to bear. But those willing to be in the lead must accept its woes too. It's all about knowing how much you'll struggle to keep living.

The kids look real wasted. If the thrashing was half what I heard from the porch, they must be drained inside. Duílio seems older these days, not looking any better than his sons. Aparecida is lost in a haze of confusion, like a neophyte on their first day in a mystery religion. She too looks tired of the growing tension and even more tired because she knows things are not going to settle down until the ceremony is done, will only get more and more ominous as it approaches the fatal date. She also knows that there is no way of making sure everybody succeeds in their task. Seven bulls, seven chances of losing the war.

We stayed in the living room in brooding silence. Adriano's eyes couldn't make it past the coffee table. Andrés glanced at me at times. Seemed strangely contented after all the flogging he got along with his brother. As if he had released the burden it had been for him to treat me so harshly before the others during the meeting. Like he was now even with the still, small voice. Another clue was all the kindness he showed to me in the evening trying to get me a ride.

I didn't care a lot about being treated that way as I had really been satirical, because my sense of humor reacts quickly to situations or speech I regard as funny. Even if it's not regarded as funny by the rest of the bunch. Actually I thought he really had to keep the minimum order running since the subject was absolutely serious. I thought I had to do my part now.

"I would like to speak", I said all of a sudden. All shifted their attention to me. The family man said the order to not speak was restricted only to the two wild animals that were sitting with us around the coffee table (words reproduced verbatim).

"It was all my fault that Andrés got irritated during the meeting", I said, trying to soften the impact of Andrés four-letter wording at me.

"Yes, she nearly drove me crazy with…" Andrés attempted to start.

"Shut your mouth, Andrés. Shut your mouth or you'll get thrashed again. Do you want to? Just let me know. I don't care how mad she let you, you had thousands, millions of ways to get her to stop it."

I asked the family man to calm down. I told him that when Andrés said the bad words it was the second time he had asked me to be silent. Duílio turned on me for a moment, "you should try and understand the situation we've been living through in town" and I complained that I had once said I was in the dark. The only pieces of the puzzle I had managed to put together were actually put together by my own efforts, little owing to the Conselheiros cooperation (when they should be the first ones to put me in the picture for what concerned Andrés' emotional and mental world).

"So let's see, Duílio, Aparecida, and you lads, let's go over this story. I got to Taurinos almost one month ago. I came with the story of a boy who liked to handle cattle and had a certain fixation on the subject so as to even disregard his studies. In time it evolved to this we all have around us right now. It's obvious for me…"

"The situation has not evolved, Ms. Grisam. This is how it has always been here in…" Duílio was quick to interrupt me.

"I don't care", I was quick to cut his speech short too, "for me, it has evolved. You may have fifteen thousand years of history in your hands, but all I've got is twenty-five days or so. For me, Taurinos wasn't even a part of the map of Minas Gerais until my phone rang and we met for the first time. Today, we had all of this row because I mentioned an ancient religion to Adriano and the name of the sanctuary where this religion was professed and the kid was scared to hell at the very mention of the name, saying it wasn't him who gave away the name of the arena, questioning me who among the boys could have passed the information on to me. Well, I'll tell you where the information actually came from. It was life who told me. Or don't you think the same things can exist in other places, be part of history and become known by other people? Or do you think Taurinos is the only existing place in the world? We got libraries in Santos, they can tell anyone what I told you at that time and if it wasn't enough you can find over 18 million results on Google about Mithraism. All this in your computer in your room. Have I made myself clear as to where the information came from?"

Now I have Duílio and Andrés staring at Adriano. Not a fierce stare, I suppose. But I have no time to indulge in ocular fierceness assessments. I feel that the day asks for something more incisive. All of this row was started by me so it has to be sorted out by me.

"This boy's mind is now a true can of worms", I said, "he seems like a prisoner of a terrible secret, which is known by everybody else. He is the only one to consider it a secret. And this is now rearing its ugly head on him. Take this weight off his back, off mine and everybody's before I quit and archive this case as one more forgettable adventure of Miss Stella Freitas-Grisam."

Silence fell upon the room, followed by the darkness after dusk. Adriano looked silently at me with watering eyes I could notice even in the darkness of the dusk. I went to the light switch and theatrically shed light on the subject.

"We have to be as pure and honest as this light tonight", I said trying to give my best performance, "as candid and artless as a newborn kid and voice all our fears, hopes and worries. I can sense how tense everyone is. The news about the incident with the bull on the farm Pinho got me all but perplexed too. I can't blame you for feeling like that, in light of the situation. But if we don't try to balance our feelings when the first event has happened what will we do when more things happen like that? Against all nervousness I think we have to have more tranquility. Because with tranquility and a colder frame of mind we have a chance to succeed. Without it, we don't stand a ghost of a chance, believe me. Eventually we'll get charged with the price of our confusion. And you know how high it's going to be. I can feel it, based upon the little you have told me so far."

Not a word. Everyone was staring at me, perplexed eyes, waiting for what would follow. I sat on the sofa, beside the two brothers. On the other sofa, Duílio and Aparecida. The latter motioned to leave the room, but I stopped her from doing so.

"It's late and still need to cook dinner", she excused herself.

"I'll help you with the cooking, but later. Now, no one is going to have dinner until we have finished this talk. Let's lay our cards on the table, it's about time we had a showdown. I'll start by the first days after I arrived here. What was the outcome of the farmer's meeting — the one held regarding cattle theft — after all?"

"We decided we'd catch the thieves ourselves", answered Duílio.

"And give them to the police, I suppose…"

"What police?", Andrés cut me short, "There's no police in Taurinos because…"

"No. The decision was that we'd handle the issue ourselves", said Duílio coldly, looking at his wife that was becoming distressed.

"Needless to say, for want of a competent authority to handle the issue, you invested yourselves with power enough for simple everyday tasks as capturing, suing, judging, convicting, sentencing and finally summarily executing the criminals caught in the act in town."

"So you think we're wrong?", questioned Andrés motioning his father to not interrupt, "no, Dad; please let her only answer this question for me. So you think we're all wrong? Living in this deserted place, God knows what someone like them can do to us in the night?"

"I got it. So you went there and for prevention did them worse than they'd ever do to you? Look here, don't get me wrong. I'm not defending the guys. But wouldn't a good beating and chasing them out of town serve them better instead?"

"No, no you have to set an example for the others, so the others know how thieves are dealt with here in Taurinos. It's happened here before. Not many times, because the community is aware of anything happening around them. There's no police here. If you don't kill them, what will you do? Wait for others who know there's no punishment here to come and break into your house at night to do God knows what to your family?", argued Adriano.

"That a boy, Adriano! That's my brother…" and Andrés looked defiantly at me.

"I agree with the boys", declared Duílio.

"And I agree with Ms. Grisam", intervened Aparecida that had been mute as a fish so far, "a good flogging would suffice. I don't believe in this enormity of claiming people's lives", and she went on, "I wish I had never known about this. Let alone this way."

I told them to handle the issue the way they saw fit. I fear for my own life now that I know so much about that family. They said spontaneously they'd do nothing with me. This equaled a death threat to me. Veiled, but still a threat. Aparecida looked at me in fear, as if she said "no, I have nothing to do with it".

"I'm glad to hear you'll do me no harm", I declared, "now we can go on to discuss other things."

Aparecida was appalled now less with the family's behavior than with my cold-bloodedness. She was trying to figure out where I got all that courage from. Simple. I got it from the fear I was feeling of it all. The farm's men were now looking at me, waiting for more questions. So I asked them about the arena, the flashpoint for all the discord and tumult today.

"Whose was the idea of naming this arena Mithraeum?"

"This is an ancient tradition", retorted Duílio, "there's no such thing as "whose is the idea", Ms. Grisam."

"Why did Adriano feel so threatened when I mentioned the name of the arena? Why did Andrés hit his brother for speaking too much? What is this too much he's given away?"

"Adriano does speak too much and sometimes he doesn't need to use words. As on the night of the meeting with the farmers. He left the tools under that rooftop and you must have seen them, firstly because he told me you like that place as you like to stay at the porch. Secondly and most important, because I "saw" you "seeing" the tools before he dropped them there. I was still in the car with my father halfway here and "saw" it happen. Am I right?", lectured Andrés.

Look at how much the bird sings. And I don't even need to spend money on batteries. But my time to sing has come too. He said it all in a blow maybe because he knew I'd have to lay my cards too about spying on them. The boy knows how to play, there's no doubt about it. He knows how to get rid of the rings to save his fingers.

"Right you are. I was hiding behind a tree by the rooftop watching you"

"I knew!", he roared, punching the open left palm with all his might and biting his lips nervously, "I even asked the fucker if he was sure you two were sleeping that night. I think so, I think so, he said. Duh!" He copied Adriano grotesquely, making a moron's voice out of his brother's.

"I understand all the care involving your operation that night, but why all the mystery around the name of the arena?"

"Ours is a mystery religion", Duílio explained, "to learn certain things about it one has to be initiated."

"She was, Dad", declared Andrés timidly, "her name is in the Society records, after Renan's, she was initiated yesterday at the meeting."

"So you were initiating me, young man? Without consulting me?"

"You initiated a woman in our Society??? Have you gone insane?"

"I don't know what made me do it", he was embarrassed before his father and brother (who attended the meeting and knew my name had been placed there in the records), "but something told me it was the right thing to do. A presage, I don't know. Forgive me…"

I said I had no more questions for the moment. Offered to help Aparecida in the kitchen. She said she'd fix something light for us all to eat since they wouldn't take long to go to bed. My "prophecy" about them not having dinner tonight has been fulfilled.

Taurinos' Ancient Society | Mysterious barricades

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