Language of fear

This time, Andrés and I went upstairs to Renan's room. I asked Duílio to wait downstairs with "sêo" Octávio and Donana, to stay out of the discussion. As a matter of fact, I didn't know whether it would be better with him or Andrés. What I knew was that we had things to ask Renan.

We went to find him at his computer. As usual, he was absorbed (or pretending to be absorbed) on the screen for some time, until I told him we wanted to talk to him.

"Renan, I don't think we have to stand here begging you to deign to give us your precious attention", I said in a mild yet firm tone of voice.

He turned around and stared at us. Turned his computer off with such a swift move I could hardly follow where his hands had hit. He was for some time walking his bedroom like Cicero would in his famous speeches, only without his gift for oratory. He asked us what we were doing at the clearing at night.

"Sorry officer, but we are asking the questions today", controverted Andrés, a bit annoyed already, "if you don't see people at night and go straight to your target, why did you stop riding and come directly where we were? Can you see at night or were we your target?"

Renan smiled. I hadn't stopped to think about it. Good point from Andrés.

"The two things", Renan answered, "I couldn't see anything before, but now I can. It is like a light that comes out of my eyes, like a flashlight, but it is way too strong", and he looked at me, "you can't stay long looking at that light as you did at night, Miss Grisam. It might only scare the shit out of you but it could waste your sight too."

"I said this to her", Andrés declared, "why did you go there looking for us?"

"I was coming home when I saw you. I decided to stop by to see what you were doing."

"How nice of you", I mumbled between states of resignation and indignation.

"Of course you saw us there and thought you'd just stop to say hello", ironized Andrés. Renan was silent for some time. Finally stated that he could feel our fear in his bones. I was afraid of him when he started talking like this, though I knew his nature was for speeches that strange and even weirder.

"I admired you for looking at me once again. Your fear grew so much I could feel it feeding me like energy inside. Andrés too, with his eyes fast shut, peeing in his shorts out of a fright…"

"So you think it is cool?", asked Andrés, slightly annoyed.

"I don't think it is beautiful or ugly, this is just where I get my force from", Renan smiled, shrugging.

"Don't you think you're giving us keys to survive you by telling us that?", I inquired him, curious about his explanation.

"It won't do me any harm. There's no way you won't feel frightened; the power always makes me appear like the worst fear you might have. When you think you got used to with the thing you fear the most, I turn out to be another thing you never thought about fearing but it's as fearsome as the old one anyhow, sometimes more. It never fails. You will never get used to me, if this is what you're wondering. You got no way of knowing how I'm going to appear in the night. Because not even I know how I'm going to appear in the night. Because not even I know or see or feel what people are actually going through. The power affects any of the five senses of people, sometimes some of them, sometimes all of them. It depends on the person and on the night."

Andrés looked at me and I looked at Andrés. Renan went on "…but you are different than people here and the other outsiders too. You are afraid, but you want to be afraid", he stared at me, "you get hipnotized by what is beautiful and by what is ugly alike. It doesn't matter whether beautiful or ugly, you will always stop to stare at it", he had now a real perplexed expression on his face, gazing at me for long as he spoke, "I still remember the day when you woke up in the morning after you died. You kept me real mad by staring at me all the time. It was the same that happened now at night. You couldn't help but looking. I saw your struggle to raise your head and look at me", and he laughed, really amused.

It was true. I myself wrote this in 1994 in my diaries. I made reference to the same figure of a drake that I'd seen these days when looking at the Agent. Renan said that the fear that the original apparition inspired me was what molded the Agent's body for my sight and other townspeople's too.

"I have got to speak a language that you can understand", he affirmed, "and the language I want you to understand is the language of fear. Without fear, there's no Police, Miss Grisam."

"Since we're talking about languages, do you speak?", I asked, curious about that point.

He laughed.

"What have we been doing since you two walked in?"

"Don't you play the fool, Renan, we know you're no fool. She's speaking of the Agent."

Renan glanced at Andrés and declared, "you're not ready for my voice", and he smiled enigmatically, "but in case you want me to show you, we can meet on one of the town's crossroads in the night."

Needless to say we turned the proposal down. Not after that night. I felt real weak after the astronomy night at that clearing.

Chrome | Promise of shadows

Radio Universal: Obscure Police