Shell shock

After lunch, a visit of master Danilo. He politely turned down the offers to have lunch with the Teixeiras, claiming he had had lunch already. After some time, I realized the visit was for me, not for the Teixeira clan.

"I know I must have disappointed you a lot yesterday and I'm really sorry for that, "sá" Stella", he said to me when we sat at the porch, "but this is an isolated town. The middle of nowhere. People defend themselves the way they can."

I told him I agreed with the part of middle of nowhere. He sighed deeply and sank in the chair, apparently without knowing what to say.

"No, you didn't disappoint me, not at all. I understand the fear of something happening to someone. As you said yourself, I experienced it all. Mind you, I find country towns to be so calm and peaceful."

"The kid was only…"

"You still haven't answered me what the guy at the square did to deserve being rubbed in the belly with a stiletto. The question has been in the air since yesterday."

"It's never enough. It's never enough until your heart stops beating. The deeper you get, the sweeter the pain. Don't give up the game until your heart stops beating."

Shell Shock, written and performed by New Order.

"Do you really want to know?", said a voice behind me that had been used for ten years now.

Renan. Impossible to tell how long he had been there behind me and master Danilo at the porch, how much of our talk he had overheard. But I had to have asked him long ago, it wasn't that bad that he heard us talking. He greeted master Danilo with a beam and sat between the two of us in the only available chair at the porch. He looked at me with an upset expression on the face.

"It's no use trying to convince her of anything, master Danilo", he said smiling at the older man, "she's got no understanding of what things are like here in Taurinos", with a moody and brooding expression on his face that looked at me, he withdrew a snapshot from his pocket and put it in my hands, "do you happen to know this girl?"

It was a snapshot of Renan with a girl beside him, probably someone from town. She was beautiful and had a gorgeous natural smile. The very visual contact with her image would make you feel good. It was a very beautiful shot of the two together talking at the same porch we were.

"No", I answered, though I could already imagine how the talk would continue and felt sorry for the girl, "is she your friend?"

"She is. And the same that happened to you on that Monday, happened to her on the same day. A little play of Russian roulette. Only with the difference that the guy abused her, she was not as lucky as you were to have me around. Neither was she lucky to have the same strong personality you got, that has endured this and other worse things in Taurinos. Now she can't even stand near her house's windows, afraid of what might be outside waiting for her."

"I didn't know about it", I said completely revolted, "would never ask the question if I already knew the answer. If I had the slightest idea a disgrace like this had happened to someone."

"Yes, but it did happen to her. Nobody knew about it, only the ancient ones in town. We didn't let the news spread. Can you imagine the shame she'd go through on top of all that had already happened to her?"

I finally understood master Danilo's silence about the theme yesterday. He kept the secret of such nefarious story for the same reason. I felt ashamed by yesterday's questioning, though I'd never subscribe to the cruelty of Taurinos men's final solution. I added I could go there and see her, see if I could help her break the shell shock trance she had been put into after that heinous incident.

"She's been to Varginha being treated. She seldom comes here now. She comes, stays a week and then goes back to Varginha for more."

A mortal, deep silence. Only the songbirds kept singing. How can they keep from singing? I gave the snapshot back to Renan that was looking at it for ages until tears started rolling down his face. I turned my eyes to master Danilo, both he and I were looking desperately for something to say that could soothe his frame of mind, since we talked so loud and so close to him about such sensitive matter. Renan lifted his washed watering eyes to us and said with his eyes full of hatred, "what I did never satisfied me… I couldn't do what I wanted to do with him there at the square… I could've waited and hunted him down in another place, but all I had to do to have my blood boiling was to see him at the square, so it really had to be there… If I only could, I'd take the son of a bitch off that grave, and keep him home to kill him a bit more every single day of my life. I'd kill even his soul as long as he had one. Goddamned son of a cow, I'd love to visit hell just to see him there, sufferin'…", now he shook in a sobbing trance until he clutched me like a baby would. I looked astonished at master Danilo and hugged Renan for a long while, so long I could not measure.

Donana showed up at the porch. When she saw what was going on, she walked up to us, picked Renan up and took him inside without saying a single word. Not saying a single word either master Danilo and I remained at the porch until he decided to call it a day.

Eerie science | Hurricane

Radio Universal: Shadowplay